Things that may or may not* be said between the hours of 5:30 and 7:00 a.m. on any given day:

Southern Mom:
Your alarm clock! Turn it off! It's loud, you're going to wake up the whole house! TURN IT OFF!!!
(a few minutes later)
Your cell phone! It's your cell phone! No, not your alarm clock! YOUR CELL PHONE!!!!!
(when he finally stops the noise)
I don't know why you set an alarm clock when you can't hear it! It wakes everyone up BUT you!

Southern Dad:
Shut up! (still quite asleep, mind you)

Southern Mom (round 2):
Turn that *%@^%$! alarm clock off before I beat your @$$!
Soutern Dad! Southern Dad! SOUTHERN DAD!!! I SAID TURN IT OFF!!!!!!
(possibly some hitting may occur at this point, either on the head, on the back, or kicking of the shins)
You have a problem. Quit setting your alarm clock! You never use it to get up, I'm the one who gets you awake when MY alarm clock goes off!

Southern Dad:
You want some cheese with that whine?

Southern Mom:
Oh, that's nice. 1988 called and wants it's snappy putdown back!

Southern Dad:
Shut up!

Lather, rinse, repeat every GD morning!

*who am I kidding, we actually say all of this. Every. Morning.