Southern Mom: Count Your Blessings

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The Credits

I have this page-a-day calendar on my desk. As I peeled off yesterday�s page, today�s message, �count your blessings,� was revealed. The picture showed a lovely family, and I thought: Why is it that I always want more? I never seem satisfied with what I have at the present. I know it is human nature to have wants and desires, but why can�t I ever just be satisfied with what I have. I am so blessed to have both my mother and father close to me. I am blessed to have 2 sisters. I am super-blessed to have the kindest, most understanding, and helpful husband. I am blessed beyond words to for the little boy that runs around our house pretending to be Spiderman, Dash, or an assortment of Power Rangers. All of these people make me who I am, and because of them more blessings follow�our home, nieces and nephews, in-laws.
It is so easy to see the negativity in life. In fact, many people seek out negativity. Lately I have become that kind of person. I have bad feelings toward good friends for sharing their joy at an expanding family. Just the other day a friend mentioned that she might start �trying� for baby #2, and I immediately tried to talk her out of it. Why? Because I am so selfish that I could not stand the hurt and pain of watching yet another friend �fall� pregnant so easily while I stand on the sideline in agony. Seriously, you�d be surprised at what a baby boom we�re in right now. The jealousy I feel toward perfect strangers is appalling. I just want to be happy again. I have placed so much pressure on getting pregnant, but what if it doesn�t happen? Can I truly be happy? I know I will, but it is still too much of an incomprehensible concept to accept. I keep telling myself I have to �try harder,� but what does that mean? It really doesn�t matter how much we �do it� if my body won�t ovulate. Every little thing about this frustrates me. I keep it bottled up inside because I don�t want pity. I don�t want other people�s story of how it �just happened.� I want to know what I can do to make it happen to me. I�ve tried so hard. This month we�re moving up to 150 mg of Clo*mid. The thoughts that once bothered me of multiples have no affect on me now�who cares, if this medicine will just work! I am trying to count my blessings, but it is so hard when I know there are blessings out there that I have yet to find.

Comments

Charla, you know I can relate. I think you have to let yourself feel what you feel for now and go from there. I wish much luck and love to you in the coming months. I was getting worried about you, not seeing you post for so long!

Take good care of you!!

Posted by: Giao | April 20, 2005 01:45 PM

*Hugs* This is the first time I've come by your blog and I was impressed with your honesty and openness. I'm sending lots of positive energy your way and wish you luck in your quest to have a baby. It'll happen for you!

Posted by: Kestrel | April 21, 2005 05:37 PM

D and I went through this when we were trying to get pregnant. We tried for like 6 months or and I just came to the realization that if it ended up just being me and D for the rest of our lives, I was okay with that.

I'm sure you'll hear people tell you to focus on what you have, so I'll spare you that spiel. Just remember to take some time each day to go someplace quiet and breathe. Just breathe in and out. That's it. Nothing more and nothing less. It will come. That 2nd baby will make it's appearance when it's good and ready and not a minute before. Think of this time as "getting ready" time.

Hang in there! *hugs*

Posted by: Daisyhead | April 21, 2005 08:28 PM

I completely relate with you. My heart aches with you. It simply sucks.

Posted by: cindy | April 22, 2005 11:39 PM

It does suck. Each person's situation is different. I am sending you lots of fertile vibes and prayers!! It'll happen...

Posted by: Liz | April 23, 2005 12:34 PM

I hope it works out for you. Hugs and good luck.

Posted by: Marcia | April 25, 2005 07:42 PM

Oh, hon. Thank you for being so open. I'm sending you a billion great thoughts and stuff, but honestly, I know nothing I say can make it better.

So I'l just be here to listen. :-)

Posted by: Leslie (Mrs. Flinger) | May 2, 2005 02:20 PM

Hi Charla!
Your honesty and candor are very much appreciated. I know that words from friends near and far won't do much to make your feelings budge or change -- each of us seems to have an inner voice that dominates our feelings. Do know, though, that I've been thinking about you a lot...and I hope that it makes you feel better that I have felt the same way as you. It's frustrating as all heck!

Sending you big hugs....and good vibes your way.

P.S. Your site looks great on my monitor now! :)

Posted by: Leslie | May 3, 2005 12:12 AM

Hi Charla!
Me again...
Just wanted to wish you a HAPPY TEACHER'S DAY! :)
Leslie

Posted by: Leslie | May 4, 2005 12:02 AM

Cool site. Thank you!!!

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